Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
