Need sex. Gaining weight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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