Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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