there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
