can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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