somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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