They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
