Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
