no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
