So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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