You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
