it was like his penis was on wheels.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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