Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
