I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
