We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
