why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ketchup is God's man juice
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
