I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
