This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
