Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
