worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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