I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
