I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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