Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
