The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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