i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
