I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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