he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
