I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
