Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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