I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
