Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
