it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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