wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
