I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
