I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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