don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bring money and cleavage
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
