I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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