??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
