I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
