I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
