moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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