Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Girls should come with a carfax report
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
