I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
