I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
