Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
