Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
