i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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