Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
