I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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