FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
