This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
do nipples grow back?
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