I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
