I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
